by Eva Lane (channeled from Spirit)
(Anxious Relief)
Forgiveness is one of the most commonly misunderstood concepts that humans have, my Butterfly.
Related: Free Ho’oponopono guided meditation
And as an anxious woman, the idea of allowing someone to get away with an injustice is inconceivable. When someone takes an action that violates your boundaries and hurts you in some way, it is hard not to take that personally.
How often have you heard someone say “I will forgive, but I won’t forget”?
Problem is, without forgiveness, emotions build up and become toxic – leading to depression and physical symptoms.
The reason why forgiveness is so hard, is that it relates to a certain trauma that you have experienced, which was caused or supported by somebody that you blame.
Blame means that you attribute all responsibility for an event onto a person.
Sometimes this blame is justified. Other times it isn’t. The point of today’s post is not to debate whose responsibility it is.
The point of today’s post is to set you free.
When you hold onto an injustice that has been perpetrated against you, you are effectively telling yourself the same story over and over:
“I must protect myself. I cannot let this happen again.”
And it really makes sense, in your animal mind, to ensure that you are protected from all hurts and harm.
Plus, someone who has perpetrated hurt onto you in the past cannot be trusted, right?
They need to be held accountable. They cannot be trusted.
So you punish them, in your mind, for the hurt that has happened.
But who are you really punishing?
Every time that this pain is reactived, the same message is sent through your nervous system:
“Protect. Fight against. Resist.”
And the basis of all resistance is fear.
So your mind and body essentially send a fear response when triggered, which causes you to relive the trauma, over and over again.
Let me make this clear:
The only person who relives the trauma is you.
You are effectively punishing yourself, over and over again, for something that is not your fault.
You want to protect yourself, and punish your perpetrator – but in reality, you are doing neither of these things.
In actual fact, whenever the event plays out in your mind – you experience it fresh over again, as if it’s just happened,
And you are allowing those fear-based thoughts to control you.
Just for a moment, think about how they control you!
They control where you go, who you speak to, what you do, what you say.
Long-term decisions are often swayed and tainted by unforgiveness.
Is that any way to live?
You need to find a way that puts YOU back in charge.
You need to get on with YOUR life, safe to grow and stretch and be yourself.
The person that you are holding this grudge against, does not deserve another ounce of your time.
So how do you forgive, without letting someone get away with it?
Firstly, you need to take back your power.
The person you are holding this grudge against, isn’t learning the lesson that you want them to learn.
And forgiving them doesn’t give them a clean slate.
What you need to do, is commit to your future growth.
By setting boundaries.
Boundaries that are clear, values-based, and with self-love at their core.
Boundaries are a simple yes/no switch – what behaviour will you or won’t your tolerate in the future?
You set those boundaries, and you own them.
You enforce them. From a place of self-love.
You enforce your boundaries without anger or apology.
Boundaries are not positive or negative – they simply are.
They are non-negotiable.
They allow you to move forward in your life, with yourself at the centre, and with a clear knowledge of what you will and won’t tolerate.
When you have strong boundaries, there is no need for grudges.
No need for unforgiveness, because you know what you will and won’t tolerate from others.
And if somebody repeatedly violates your boundaries, simply break the connection.
No grudge needed. And no harm to the person involved – you simply put your self-preservation first and end contact.
By doing this, you release yourself from the story that plays itself over and over, and poisons your experience of life.
And makes room for new, fulfilling, happy and growth-oriented relationships.
Love + light,
Eva xo